Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I’ve meant to blog for days… but due to fatigue, I’ve kept putting it off…. I’ve so much to learn and grow in DAILY… I’m so thankful for the way the Holy Spirit helps me… a thought that has continually come to my mind lately is…. “when I am weak… THEN I am strong”… how truly amazing is that??!! Thank you Father that YOUR mercies are new EVERY morning, GREAT is Your FAITHFULNESS!!
Well, today marks our 11th day home! Wow… in some ways it feels so much shorter and others it feels so much longer. Justus and Hannah Mercy are doing great… and their momma is trying to keep up with them. Let’s face the facts… two biological kids in diapers at the same time is challenging… so why would I expect anything less in the physical realm with my adopted kids… when you have two and they each wake up 3 times a night… that’s 6 times… so yes, that was quite a week… so glad it’s done. They have both slept through the night twice now… so I think (and hope) we are finally getting on the right track. One day my son alone had 12 poopy diapers… I thought I had stockpiled some diapers… but wow… they went curbside quick! Levi made fun of it by putting tally marks on the whiteboard throughout the day to see who had the most… Justus or Mercy. I’ve finally gotten used to the daily blow outs… giving frequent baths… and keeping the laundry going… I know that eventually this too will pass.
Justus is a smart, sweet, but a very strong, affectionate boy… his tantrums, pickiness, and spitting out food are small issues compared to how WONDERFUL he is….and how much better he is doing with each passing day. He is so precious and when he laughs and or is so thrilled to be wrestling with his daddy or riding on his back trying to keep hold of that daddy bronco… I just can’t explain to you the intense emotions I feel. He was just meant to be a part of us. He holds me so tightly sometimes…. It melts my heart and causes me to speak blessing over him again and again. Redeemer… Restorer… Rebuilder… have Your way in my sons little heart… may He know your loving-kindness through us.
Hannah Mercy continues to be a constant delight… her smiles are so energetic and contagious. She is a bright light and so, soooo cute. She has cut 2 more teeth since we’ve had her and even when she is crying mad… she is so, so cute. Oh… and she absolutely LOVES to eat! It’s been wonderful to see our biological kids lavishing them with love as well. Justus and Mercy have been smothered with our kisses every day and we are all SOOOO THANKFUL for God blessing us with 2 more Spragues… growing pains and all.
Okay enough rambling… there really is a point to this blog entry… I thought I’d share an excerpt from my journal from last week:
Feb. 26th… the one week home mark… things You are teaching me this week in the midst of sleep deprivation…
When the goal is that they do what I want them to do (like lay down and go to sleep) then I easily begin to feel frustrated after many failed attempts… falls asleep in my arms, put them in crib… they wake up and cry… start all over again… then again… then again…. Then in the midst of one of these episodes, I felt like the Lord said to my heart… “If the goal is to love them and connect, you won’t be frustrated with trying to get them to sleep.” Oh Lord, help me to walk with this goal @ every nap time, bed time, meal time, bath time, etc. Eliminate “hurry” from my life so that I can enjoy my kids to the full.
The Lord says, “I am the master teacher on this… My goal is always to love my children without conditions. It has never been to accomplish a task… it’s about drawing them to myself… and loving them, filling them, relating to them, connecting to them. And from that place of intimacy and trust, obedience from a heart responding in love and trust releases the joy of doing life together… running together… enjoying together… the goal has always been relationship.”
Thank you Holy Spirit that you will always be faithful to open my eyes to see the perspective of your heart. I’ve so much to learn… teach me your heart more as I walk this path with my adopted children. Thank you that you led the way by adopting us into your family first. Release the spirit of adoption over our family…. Release the heart You have to cause our hearts to gain greater insight and understanding. Let our goal be to Love and to Connect… to see wholeness and healing in our children lives… to cultivate and to nurture relationship with them.
Romans 1:6 .. “And this includes you, called of Jesus Christ and invited [as you are] to BELONG to Him.”
Well, that was some of what I wrote in my journal on the 26th…. And I’ve found that EVERY single day since, I am having ample opportunities to learn, be challenged, and to put it into practice… in the heat of the battle…to ask myself, “Is it about my agenda?, or is it about loving and connecting with my kids? What is the goal?” Because it’s game time now…today matters… today is a gift, and at this foundational building time we are in…. I’ve got to do it HIS way, not mine. Does this mean I do it perfect every time, no… I’m very human, I fail… but HE doesn’t… HIS grace is sufficient for me. What it does mean is that I’ve got to keep running to THE SOURCE… to plug in so that rivers of living water flow through me… may I continue to SURRENDER in the times of frustration… may I grow in heart and perspective as I learn from the Master…. My Abba Father.
When I am weak (and feeling weak has felt quite familiar these last 11 days), THEN I am strong … what an amazing God we serve…. Be magnified O God, there is truly none like You.