Blessed. Broken. Given.: Finally... Video update!

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Blessed. Broken. Given.: Finally... Video update!:
Here's a window into my life over the past 5 months.  I hope that it encourage...

So, WHAT’s for dinner???

It’s what my inquiring kids always want to know... When you have 6 kids, you hear this question a LOT to say the least…. But if you’re like me, you don’t always have an answer… so you let the suspense build and scramble to figure it out! BUT, on the other hand, if it happens to be Wednesday, then of course it’s a given… because on Wednesday night the middles have Awana and my 2nd to oldest has Vertical (youth group), so it’s best to make something that everyone’s always happy about and easy to clean up!

What’s that you say?...Oh you want to know WHAT IS FOR DINNER?!!! Well, for fun I will share the recipes I use on Wednesday nights…AND also have a contest for a fun GIVEAWAY at the same time, so hopefully by the time this “plan” is facilitated, I’ll have the answer to the question at the top of this blog post for many nights to come… BRILLANT!

Now, I’m no spring chicken… we are almost to our 24th wedding anniversary and I've been parenting for over 18 years… been through many seasons… and in some of my very “organized seasons” when life seemed easier and carefree with 3 or 4 kids, I even had a weekly menu taped up on the pantry to ensure that I didn’t have to answer that question. It was great when I consulted it and really freed up some of my brain cells…. which by now are all used up from chasing the littles around all day and changing too many diapers once again.... where did all that organization go?? um...I can't remember:)

Do you ever feel like you're in a rut and you make the same meals over and over again? I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some NEW recipes! Um, you see that’s where YOU come in…. this is a participation blog:)

Here’s THE SCOOP:

YOU share your favorite family recipes and IF I make it and it’s a “keeper”(meaning the Sprague tribe likes it), then I will send you a $10 Starbucks gift card!! How’s that for a fun participation prize… yes, you can now thank my friend Lori Gardner… she’s the hilarious blog queen who actually does fun giveaways on her blog. Now, I can’t send a gift card to all the “keeper” recipes… so I will have my kids vote on the one they liked best from this little contest… and hopefully it will be YOU because you cared enough to take the time to share a favorite recipe with me. I will mail you the gift card in appreciation… or if I know you I’ll just take you to Starbucks and then give you a gift card too!!

Now, depending on the feedback… this could take some time, so I will let you know right away if your recipe makes it to the “ones to try” pile. Then you will at least know you are in the running for the Starbucks gift card. And to save some time… here’s a few tips for what kind of recipes we'd like... I’m more of a "from scratch" kind of cook… use real onion, garlic, and spices… so I don’t buy the cream of whatever Campbell’s soups…I do buy canned beans though for making chilli…. I’m not into MSG and hydrogenated oils…. We do like vegetables too, so the recipes don’t have to have meat in them… although we do like meat too…. Oh and in case you have one, I would love a great spaghetti sauce recipe, or stir fry, pasta recipies... like the noodle company makes...or anything easy really… the sky is the limit!

Back to what's for dinner....Wednesday is HOMEMADE PIZZA NIGHT in the Sprague home… It’s the one night of the week that I never get complaints, only cheers… oh how I love that when it comes to dinner!!! (which by the way is NOT always the case with other meals in our home because I refuse to raise picky eaters, so I say this phrase quite often to the littles, middles, and bigs, “We train our taste buds in this house and if you don’t like it, that’s okay… you CAN still EAT it!”… but no time for that bully pulpit now… was getting sidetracked…yes, yes…back to fun pizza making:)

If you have a bread machine to make the DOUGH, and you want to make it a weekly dinner, set a weekly alarm in your phone to remind you @ 2pm or so to start the dough…. that way it’s ready when you are! Here are the two pizza crust recipes I always use… perfect every time. They vary a bit, so take your pick. If you don’t have a bread machine, consult my friend Lori… she uses her kitchen aid mixer to make her dough and if you don’t have a kitchen aid… well my food processor makes good dough using the recipe in its manual… or you can just use your hands… what a concept! The reason I prefer my bread machine is because it’s the easiest! You throw in the ingredients and an hour and a half later the perfect dough is ready… and can just sit in the machine until you are ready to use it... very simple, very easy.

The following recipes come from "The Bread Lover's Bread Machine Cookbook" by Beth Hensperger

For Basic Pizza Dough – add the following ingredients to your bread machine and select the “dough” cycle.
1 1/3 cups water
¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour (I use ultra grain)
1 Tablespoon sugar
1 ½ tsp salt
2 tsp SAF yeast OR 2 ½ tsp bread machine yeast

When cycle beeps, remove dough (the dough ball will be soft), divide into desired number of portions.. I do two (but for more fun on a night you have time… the kids love making their own personal pan pizzas too).Oh wow… the recipe says to then…"Flatten each portion into a disc. Cover with a damp towel on the work surface to rest for 30 minutes until the dough has increased about 20 percent"…. But I’ve never done that… guess I never read past the ingredients part… oh well. Try it… it might be better that way… who knows:)

Or for the granola girls out there… you can try this recipe:

Whole Wheat Pizza dough- (this is the one I use most... unless it’s for guests who like the standard American fare better… both are great recipes though.)
1 1/3 cup water
¼ cup olive oil
2 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour (I use ultra-grain)
1 cup whole wheat flour (not the dead stuff on the shelves, I grind mine at HyVee in their health market section… they have these big vats of Montana wheat for .88 per pound. Grind and put straight in your freezer to preserve nutrients… or if you’re super cool like my friend Lori… you own a grain mill!)
1 ½ tsp salt
2 tsp SAF yeast OR 2 ½ tsp bread machine yeast

Once the dough is ready (or actually, once I’m ready to start) I divide it into 2 balls and put it on the pizza pans. (I roll them out on my counter, but am finally beginning to try the hand stretching... no throwing in the air yet, but baby steps on getting the dough ready for the pan.) For years I used my pizza stones, but I find clean up way easier and the crust much crispier when I use the round pizza pans with the holes. I got them on sale at Kohls… $12.99 each… non-stick, 16 inch, with the holes all over the bottom. The pizza literally slides right off onto the cutting board and the pan is still CLEAN… I do wipe it with a rag, but I’m telling you… easy clean up to me is a major bonus!! Once the dough is on the pans, cover with light cotton towel and let them rest while you make the sauce.. but you can do it the way the recipe says.



The SAUCE is so simple to make… takes about 15 min. to simmer and is SOOOO worth it!! You’ll really never buy a jar again… it’s that good. It makes 2 cups, which I use every drop. I keep telling myself that I will make double or triple batch sometime and freeze some, but It’s just so easy to whip it up real quick, I haven’t done that yet…. Besides if it was frozen, I would have to set an alarm in my phone to remind me to take the pizza sauce out of the freezer!Time flies so much faster now that I have the littles, and that handy alarm in my phone is my helpful friend.

What I love most about this recipe is that I always have all the ingredients on hand since it's so simple...so if you've never made your own sauce... it's time to give it a try!


Essential Tomato-Herb Pizza Sauce
1-2 T. olive oil
¼ large yellow onion, finely chopped (I use whatever color of onion I have)
Two 8 oz cans tomato sauce (I use one normal size can… I think 15 oz)
1 clove garlic, pressed, or ½ tsp garlic powder
1 tsp dried oregano or marjoram leaves (I’ve only used oregano)
Salt and fresh-ground black pepper

Heat oil in skillet over medium heat and sauté the onion until soft and the edges begin to brown. Add the tomato sauce, garlic, oregano, and salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a low boil and adjust heat to low. Simmer; uncovered for 15 min. Remove from heat and cool (I never do that). The sauce will keep in the freezer up to a month (haven’t tried that yet either).



When the sauce is ready…. Spread half on each crust, add whatever toppings you want… or if your kids are like mine… just cheese on theirs. Now they do eat from ours after the cheese is all gone, but if it was their choice… they prefer cheese. Allie is my kitchen helper and she loves to help with the sauce and the cheese.


I bake the pizzas one at a time in a preheated oven of 425 for 14 min. (for crisper crust)… or at 450 for 10 min. (for less crispy). See what you like… and if you want thicker crust don’t make the pizza as large. I stretch them to the max on my pans cuz there are a lot of mouths to feed at my table. Since my new pans can’t be in heat of more than 450 and you can't cut on them because of the non-stick finish, I just put a cutting board on the table and slide the pizza off the pan and onto the board and serve from there. I always cut up fresh veggies to go with the pizza because it’s the most important part of the meal to me. What’s funny to me is that my kids eat the veggies plain, but dip their pizza in ranch.

Here is a picture of some happy campers devouring the goods this week.


Now that, my friends, is a wrap! No actually, it’s pizza, but just wanted to use some cooking show lingo. Seriously though, this is that wonderful weekly dinner where you NEVER have to tell you kids to, “eat your dinner”…. Let me know if it works that way for your family too. Enjoy!!



Oh and please don’t forget about the CONTEST/ GIVEAWAY…

Below are a few pics so you can meet the middles...A few serious members of the judges panel for this contest. One of my littles is pictured at the top of this post, but she doesn't get to be on the panel of judges because I've not really found anything she doesn't LOVE to eat since bringing her home from Ethiopia... she's a momma's dream!




*all pics taken by my iphone so excuse the poor quality...and I'm no photographer either... so that might be some of the lighting issues.

SERVANT or MARTYR

"When I choose SERVANT instead of MARTYR, my children enjoy the security that they are welcomed in our home. They are not a thorn in my flesh, cutting into my personal time. They aren't a nuisance, making me sigh with irritation all day. They are welcomed members of this family, loved and purposed. And when my children are welcomed, I have opend the very doros of heaven and invited God himself into the laughter, chaos, and life of our home."
-Jen Hatmaker *Mark 9:36-37

Most challenging season of my life…

(Adoption Journey Update from Mary)

I haven’t blogged in a long time. We just passed the 7 month mark of having our Justus and Hanna Mercy home from Ethiopia….yes, It’s been wonderful, but at the same time, truly the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through…. For all 8 of us I’m sure, although my oldest daughter is now in Texas for a year at the Honor Academy.

Exhausted is how I feel most days and often wish to feel my “old self” again… the “old self” that used to have something left at the end of the day. At age 42 it’s not as easy to chase 2 toddlers and keep up with older kid’s schedules…. actually it’s very hard work that never ends… and then we go and put our house on the market (desperate for more space) and add house hunting to the mix over the summer. We did move… just 10 days ago, so it’s funny that I would sit here with an urge to write while still surrounded by many boxes… but it’s daddy’s day off and he is lying in the playroom with the “littles” climbing all over him… so I saw my little window to escape and for some reason feel compelled to write.

I read a blog a few days ago by Haley Ballast titled “Fake it till you make it”. I sent her a message thanking her for taking the time to be real with words, but confessing that this momma seems to fail at the “faking it” part now that we are so many months in. Basically when I’m frustrated… my kids see my frustration…. Which leads to me being even more frustrated with myself… it’s a crazy cycle and I’m so in need of Jesus to show me again and again how to love without condition… to respond and not react. I fail so many times…. then the enemy tries to put guilt on top of the frustration that someone else could do a better job…

My sweet 31 month old boy has come a long way, but has an emotional tank that doesn’t seem to ever get full. When he gets ALL my attention, he truly is the most wonderful, charming, active little boy, but as soon as anyone crosses his will, or when he has to share my attention with the baby, my older kids, or anyone else for that matter, he seems to resort to doing everything he knows he’s not supposed to do. Anything from pouring out his drink, hurting the baby, climbing the fridge, railings, doors, getting into anything he knows is off limits to him, basically challenging any structure to make sure he’s not going “unnoticed”.

The challenges daily… the anger and frustration I feel with myself for the many emotions that seem to come from feeling so at the end of my rope some days… the lies of the enemy that tell me Justus would have been better in a home where he would be the only focus. Halley sent me a message back and as I read it I could actually hear myself saying it to other moms… so why was I not speaking that truth back to myself?? I’m so thankful that God made us need each other in the body of Christ and that Haley from Washington “spoke” words of truth to me in the midst of me having a hard day. Here is a copy and paste of her response:

”I totally understand the desire to be that 'perfect' mom for our children from hard places... we feel they deserve more than us after all they've been through... but honestly I have had to recognize the part that Satan plays in those thoughts, at least in my head. He wants to discourage me and derail me, and perfectionism is a great weapon for him in that. I am the mom that GOD chose for Zeke, so saying that I am not good enough is saying that God messed up. He KNEW we were not perfect when he chose us! Be strengthened in the knowledge that you are not a perfect mom, but you are the perfect mom for all your kids because you are the one God chose for them.”

Here are the lyrics to a song we sang at night of worship on Friday night and then again at the weekend services…. It resonates so strongly with me… like water to a dry land as I proclaimed it and sang it. It’s not left my heart since… I sang it as I fed the babies, I sang it as I got ready for bed last night, listened to it as we hustled and bustled to get the older kids to their schools this morning, and I’m singing it now and want to share it with you. It’s a Hillsong worship song so listen to it online because it’s so beautiful and true.

FOREVER REIGN by Jason Ingram and Ruben Morgan
You are good, You are good….When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love ….On display for all to see
You are light, You are light ….When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope….You have covered all my sin

Oh, I’m running to your arms, I’m running to arms
The riches of your love..Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are peace, You are peace….When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true….Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy ….You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life….In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I’m running to your arms, I’m running to arms
The riches of your love..Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more….Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord…..All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here…..In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God….Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to your arms, I’m running to arms
The riches of your love...Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing , no other name….Jesus, Jesus


Well, I hope this encourages someone today… it’s encouraged and is continuing to encourage (put courage into) me… I LOVE this song… listen to it online… what an anthem to confess over and over WHO HE IS in the midst of our everyday lives. "

Make me walk along the path of your commands,
for that is where my happiness is found." Psalm 119:35

Still learning to let go and enjoy the journey… I’m just a bit of a slow learner… but He is patient with me and my heart will sing no other name… JESUS, JESUS!!!
Have a wonderful day walking by the grace of God,
~ Mary

25 years ago...

It's May 17th. This is a big day for me! 25 years ago today I gave my heart to Jesus, and surrendered my life to Him. As I end this day, I am reflecting on what that choice has meant to me…

25 years ago…
…I started the day a messed up teenage kid with no clue of why I was here, and a deep sense of sadness. I ended the day with a fresh perspective on life and joy on the inside.
25 years ago…
…I started the day feeling old, tired, and used up, I ended the day feeling like life had just begun, I felt alive for the first time in my life, and was full of hope for the future!

25 years ago…
…I felt alone when surrounded by friends. Today, I am never alone even when there is no human in sight.
25 years ago…
…I was a slave to my feelings. Today, I live by faith in God.
25 years ago…
…I lacked the self-control to say no to anything that sounded good. Today, by God’s grace I am submitted to the direction and conviction of the Holy Spirit.
25 years ago…
…I never went a day without trying get high on drugs or alcohol. Today, I never go a day without seeking the Most High God!
25 years ago…
…I was fatherless. Today, Father God is always here for me!
25 years ago…
…No one could trust me...I didn’t even trust me! Today, my beautiful bride and 6 amazing kids trust me to love, provide for, and protect them.
25 years ago...
...Most parents considered me a bad influence on their kids. Today, parents want their kids to hear what I have to say.
25 years ago…
…I had shallow dreams. Today, I am living the dream God gave me!
25 years ago…
…My life was defined by my experiences, reputation, and desires. Today, my life is defined by who God says I am, and who He has called me to be.
25 years ago...
...I was angry at the world. Today, I pray for the world.
25 years ago...
...I hit a dead end. Today, God's plan is becoming so clear!
25 years ago…
…I was a mess. Today, I am blessed!
~ Clint

2 Cor 5:17
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

Squeezed…

It’s honestly how I’ve felt the last two months. I read a devotional about a month ago that posed the question: When life squeezes you, what comes out?

Never before in my life have I truly felt so squeezed… at least not that I can remember. I thought the roller coaster of the long adoption process was hard, but the real challenges began the week we brought our 2 year old son and 11mos. old daughter home from Ethiopia. I’ve had a lot of experience parenting with 4 biological children between the ages of 6 up to 17, read so many ages and stages parenting books over the years, developed good “parenting skills”, and even taught on parenting over the course of years in ministry…. I used to think I was a good mom, but we weren’t even a month into this new venture when I lost all confidence in myself and knew I was totally out of my league without the Lord.

The verse that I meditated on continually was 2 Cor. 12:9...
“My GRACE is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in your weakness.”

You can’t parent your adopted children the same because they come from loss and abandonment…you don’t know them and they don’t know you… there is no trust yet… no history or connection to you… you are just one of the many care-givers they have encountered…and you’ve taken them away from everything familiar (tastes, sounds, smells, etc), and so while our teething 1 year old has been sheer delight with the normal work it takes to care for a baby her age, our 2 year old has been a wonderful, but really big challenge and constant learning curve for me.

So along with the sleep issues, food issues, communication issues, behavioral issues, health issues (parasites and unending amounts of diarrhea, and sickness passing from one kid to the next and then back again in our home), finding out Nana had breast cancer and had surgery coming up, and really just the adjustment of having our family go from 6 to 8, all the while, trying to obey the adoption books recommendation of “Cocooning” (not taking them out for the first several weeks) was making me feel so stir crazy!!

When we finally got a warmer day after having the kids home a few weeks, Clint and I put on the Ergo baby carriers and took the babies out for their first power walk around the neighborhood!! Woo hoo!! I can’t even express the thrill of being outside of my house in the fresh air… (I’m not one who likes “cocooning” that’s for sure), and then it happened… less than a mile into our glorious power walk, on March 11th at age 42, I broke my first bone (the fibula where it connects at the ankle) by missing the curb and falling down THE DAY BEFORE Clint was leaving town for a conference…I couldn’t believe it…did I really just do this????...wow, what timing!!! And I thought taking care of my 2 babies was challenging when I had both of my legs!!!!!!! Will His grace be enough??

Romans 5:3-5 NCV “We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts.”

Well, the heat just got turned up! The refiner’s fire had me in the heat at a much higher temp than I ever remember. Now a broken leg to a person who loves to relax and watch movies and move at a slow pace would not be considered HEAT at all, but I’m an independent, task-loving “do-er” personality… so to be immobilized… unable to drive (broke my right leg) myself or my 6 kids anywhere, unable to carry my new babies, and unable to catch my 2 year old when he’s testing me continually, and unable to care for my family the way I like to…. This was MAJOR HEAT to me!!

My literal cry every day to the Lord was “help!” Please teach me YOUR way Lord… YOUR way of adopting… Your way of LOVING… Your way of patience and compassion…. Because my way is not enough, my love is so conditional...I felt so frustrated and helpless at times… and then I would feel so angry at myself for feeling so frustrated and couldn’t stand being with myself at times when I knew what I needed was an attitude adjustment…Argh!!!!

Heat is a good thing you know… it can be used as a refining tool… when the heat is turned up… the dross emerges… even though we hate to see it. When we are in the heat we experience more tangibly our desperate NEED for God and we have constant opportunity to allow Him to work on our character. Pressures and troubles squeeze you, and the squeezing brings out what is inside you…. And that my friend is actually a good thing… because that’s when we allow Him to bring forth more growth in our lives.

I had to recognize my need daily… even my unwillingness at times…and to deal with my emotions and not be led by them. Sometimes our flesh cries, “I can’t” or even worse yet… “I really don’t want to”… and that’s when I can stop and choose to cry out, “Change my heart oh God!” You see, Justus can be a stinker…he’s 2 years old and been through a lot and he hasn’t been redeemed yet, but this old momma of his has chosen to follow Jesus…His way of being and doing… so when she’s feeling like a stinker it’s time to face the facts, stop walking in my own strength, and RECIEVE the grace of God.

His Word says He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Realizing in the heat of the moment that I have a choice… it’s my choice to humble myself and then RECEIVE His grace…. To yield to the hand of the potter working in my heart and life… molding me and making me into a vessel His love can pour through. God didn’t redeem me to just get by, but to walk in His peace and joy everyday regardless of trial…. And to declare the goodness of God!!

His kindness leads me to repentance
His goodness draws me to His side
His mercy calls me to be like Him
His favor is my delight
Everyday I AWAKEN my praise
and pour out a song from my heart
YOU ARE GOOD, You are good, You are good, and your mercy is forever!
Your kindness is forever, Your goodness is forever, Your mercy is forever.
-song lyrics by Kari Jobe

As you can tell, this blog post today really isn’t about adoption or a broken leg for that matter… it’s about the things in life that seem to squeeze us… loss, suffering, sickness, hardships, finances, work place challenges, marriage or relationship challenges, relatives, parenting toddlers (smile)… whatever is causing you to feel squeezed right now in life... and realizing the truth that His grace IS SUFFICIENT for us in the midst of it!

Is His GRACE enough?? (say it with me..) YES, if I CHOOSE TO RECEIVE it!! Just like a gift given… it has to be RECEIVED and used if it’s going to benefit us.” … I’ve continually felt weak (literally without a leg to stand on.. ha), but it’s good to humble myself and ask for GRACE to make it through another day. Jesus wants to help us and empower us in every area… not just the parts we call “spiritual”. (I was even asking for “poop” grace….because the constant blow outs and diarrhea were overwhelming, and even now after 2 months and 3 rounds of medications for our son, we still are not to the end of it. Yes, today more poop was delivered to the lab @ Children’s Mercy.

So thankful that His Word is true… it is a matter of if I will believe it and allow it to work mightily in me. His grace is enough and “I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me” Phil. 4:13. As I finish typing up this post, my son is finally asleep in the porta-crib next to my bed after 2 hours of rocking and putting him down only to try again and again and again…. The crazy thing about it is that there is never any rhyme or reason to it. Some days it’s super easy and he’s out and in his crib in 20 minutes, then there are still days like tonight that still take a marathon of effort… regardless of if it’s a easier day or a harder day, God’s grace is sufficient IF I CHOOSE TO RECEIVE IT. And let me tell you, it’s a night and day difference in my attitude when I choose to receive it (smile).

What are you making bigger than God in your life?? Put the trial, challenge, or circumstance in right perspective by putting God in His rightful place… As Beth Moore says, Are you believing God? Will we allow Him be the umpire over our emotions and trust Him to call the shots in our lives everyday? That’s the daily challenge to myself personally right now… surrender to my King… and when I feel squeezed… choosing PRAISE to come out of my mouth, not complaining…. And by all means ENJOY the journey!!

“Breathe in the grace of God when life is most aggravating and know He gives new beginnings every day when you ASK.” Be encouraged today… even when you don’t know how you are going to make it tomorrow... He not only strengthens… He SUSTAINS!!!

In closing this blog post, it would not be complete without a few words of THANKS!!! Clint was my total HERO dealing with fussy babies during the night time shift of bottles and diaper changes. He’s already been over the top amazing before I broke my leg helping with blowouts, baths, and just keeping up with the daily stuff… but when I was reduced to using crutches in a house full of stairs to get anywhere… he had to shift into overdrive. I’m so blessed with an incredible man and best friend who would “talk me down” from climbing the walls being cooped up so long. My older 4 were who were stretched by not having momma do for the, and then having to do for me and the babies… and having to help with the night shift when daddy was out of town two times. Thanks also to Life Church family for prayers, meals, hand-me-downs for the kids (even a box with pjs was given at the right time for Justus… you go through a lot when you’re having poop issues)… I can’t imagine life without such an incredible church family!!! And to my friends… Janice, Alisa, Julie, Angela, Hayley and Heather who helped keep me a little sane in little ways by their friendship through it all…. even being willing to allow me to order you around while “we” re-arranged my furniture to change up the scenery…. It’s a wonderful life.

~ Mary

(Pic at the top is us celebrating Hannah Mercy turning 1 year old last month!!)


Levi is loving having a lil brother to teach his moves to:)


Mercy loves swinging


Justus Clinton Sprague... an amazing lil boy!

Learning daily…

I’ve meant to blog for days… but due to fatigue, I’ve kept putting it off…. I’ve so much to learn and grow in DAILY… I’m so thankful for the way the Holy Spirit helps me… a thought that has continually come to my mind lately is…. “when I am weak… THEN I am strong”… how truly amazing is that??!! Thank you Father that YOUR mercies are new EVERY morning, GREAT is Your FAITHFULNESS!!

Well, today marks our 11th day home! Wow… in some ways it feels so much shorter and others it feels so much longer. Justus and Hannah Mercy are doing great… and their momma is trying to keep up with them. Let’s face the facts… two biological kids in diapers at the same time is challenging… so why would I expect anything less in the physical realm with my adopted kids… when you have two and they each wake up 3 times a night… that’s 6 times… so yes, that was quite a week… so glad it’s done. They have both slept through the night twice now… so I think (and hope) we are finally getting on the right track. One day my son alone had 12 poopy diapers… I thought I had stockpiled some diapers… but wow… they went curbside quick! Levi made fun of it by putting tally marks on the whiteboard throughout the day to see who had the most… Justus or Mercy. I’ve finally gotten used to the daily blow outs… giving frequent baths… and keeping the laundry going… I know that eventually this too will pass.

Justus is a smart, sweet, but a very strong, affectionate boy… his tantrums, pickiness, and spitting out food are small issues compared to how WONDERFUL he is….and how much better he is doing with each passing day. He is so precious and when he laughs and or is so thrilled to be wrestling with his daddy or riding on his back trying to keep hold of that daddy bronco… I just can’t explain to you the intense emotions I feel. He was just meant to be a part of us. He holds me so tightly sometimes…. It melts my heart and causes me to speak blessing over him again and again. Redeemer… Restorer… Rebuilder… have Your way in my sons little heart… may He know your loving-kindness through us.

Hannah Mercy continues to be a constant delight… her smiles are so energetic and contagious. She is a bright light and so, soooo cute. She has cut 2 more teeth since we’ve had her and even when she is crying mad… she is so, so cute. Oh… and she absolutely LOVES to eat! It’s been wonderful to see our biological kids lavishing them with love as well. Justus and Mercy have been smothered with our kisses every day and we are all SOOOO THANKFUL for God blessing us with 2 more Spragues… growing pains and all.

Okay enough rambling… there really is a point to this blog entry… I thought I’d share an excerpt from my journal from last week:

Feb. 26th… the one week home mark… things You are teaching me this week in the midst of sleep deprivation…

When the goal is that they do what I want them to do (like lay down and go to sleep) then I easily begin to feel frustrated after many failed attempts… falls asleep in my arms, put them in crib… they wake up and cry… start all over again… then again… then again…. Then in the midst of one of these episodes, I felt like the Lord said to my heart… “If the goal is to love them and connect, you won’t be frustrated with trying to get them to sleep.” Oh Lord, help me to walk with this goal @ every nap time, bed time, meal time, bath time, etc. Eliminate “hurry” from my life so that I can enjoy my kids to the full.

The Lord says, “I am the master teacher on this… My goal is always to love my children without conditions. It has never been to accomplish a task… it’s about drawing them to myself… and loving them, filling them, relating to them, connecting to them. And from that place of intimacy and trust, obedience from a heart responding in love and trust releases the joy of doing life together… running together… enjoying together… the goal has always been relationship.”

Thank you Holy Spirit that you will always be faithful to open my eyes to see the perspective of your heart. I’ve so much to learn… teach me your heart more as I walk this path with my adopted children. Thank you that you led the way by adopting us into your family first. Release the spirit of adoption over our family…. Release the heart You have to cause our hearts to gain greater insight and understanding. Let our goal be to Love and to Connect… to see wholeness and healing in our children lives… to cultivate and to nurture relationship with them.

Romans 1:6 .. “And this includes you, called of Jesus Christ and invited [as you are] to BELONG to Him.”

Well, that was some of what I wrote in my journal on the 26th…. And I’ve found that EVERY single day since, I am having ample opportunities to learn, be challenged, and to put it into practice… in the heat of the battle…to ask myself, “Is it about my agenda?, or is it about loving and connecting with my kids? What is the goal?” Because it’s game time now…today matters… today is a gift, and at this foundational building time we are in…. I’ve got to do it HIS way, not mine. Does this mean I do it perfect every time, no… I’m very human, I fail… but HE doesn’t… HIS grace is sufficient for me. What it does mean is that I’ve got to keep running to THE SOURCE… to plug in so that rivers of living water flow through me… may I continue to SURRENDER in the times of frustration… may I grow in heart and perspective as I learn from the Master…. My Abba Father.

When I am weak (and feeling weak has felt quite familiar these last 11 days), THEN I am strong … what an amazing God we serve…. Be magnified O God, there is truly none like You.